Men’s Night Out – Technology and our kids….wrap-up

Thanks to all who attended, we had a great evening of discussion with all things related to internet and cell phones etc.. Below I have attached some links for those who want more info. I would encourage everyone to make comments and suggestions if you have something to add. I also had the opportunity to attend a similar session for KCHS parents last night. From these two evenings, I will pass on the top things I learned. Again, if you have additions or corrections please add your info to the comments section.

1. Computers are not going away and we all need to learn about what is out there on the internet, what are kids are being exposed to, and teaching them about what is “right and wrong” when it comes to using the computer. At KCHS, the presenters gave us a list of over 600 social networking type sites, from around the world. This number does not include other sites with chat rooms etc… these sites are not going away – they make money.

2. Keep the computer in a public place in your home. Even with software that blocks sites etc… kids can intentionally or unintentionally find themselves on sites which are inappropriate. Beware of laptops and of your kids quickly closing down sites as you enter the room.

3. Communicate with your kids. Just like all areas, we need to create/develop relationships with our children, so we can discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of cell phones and the computer. Kids need to be able to come to us to ask questions, report suspicious behavior and cyber-bullying. They also need discipline and oversight to see that they stay on the right path.

4. To spy or not to spy? This topic was of great interest on both evenings. The bottom line from both nights came down to staying informed. Parents need to stay informed on what your child is doing and where they are going on the net. One simple way is to occasionally check the history button on your computers. Another recommendation was to Google your kids on the internet and do this with them. See what information is out there about your child – you will be amazed. Also facebook and my space pages may come up if they have them.

5. Facebook – a great site, but full of potential problems. Facebook is a place for kids (and adults) to stay in touch, create and build friendships, be accepted, join groups and maybe overcome “shyness.” BUT, some other factors should be considered:
a. kids are eager to add friends, apparently higher #’s of friends is “cooler.”
b. only accepted friends can see your info, but they see all info on your site.
c. friends are able to instant message each other – so even if you “check” out your kids site, you won’t see these conversations or who they are with.
d. pictures can be placed on the site, but can also be copied by friends and put on their site. At the high school level, kids are figuring out how to “tunnel” onto sites which are not their friends and getting pictures/information.
e. You can make information available by different settings, but don’t put any info on your site they you don’t want shared or hacked into – ie phone numbers, addresses etc.. just leave them blank.
f. kids are making pages under other kids names and or making up aliases. Be aware.
g. Also, universities and potential employers are using these sites to gain information about candidates.

6. Chat rooms – many sites that are not social networks still have chat rooms. Pandora’s is a popular music site, but also has chat rooms. Chat rooms are a place where kids need to be careful about who they are talking to. These rooms are not screened, are not friends only, and people may not be who they say they are.

7. Cell phones - first, realize that many phones have internet access, your kids may be on facebook etc.. via their cell phone.

8. Texting – it is rampant, one person reported their child at KCHS having 30,000 texts in one month. This communication is also not going away, but you need to stay informed about who your kids are texting. Much debate on this but a few good ideas I picked up: a. consider having family phones, as opposed to individual cell phones – if your child “needs” a phone then they can take one. b. have a time that all cell phones are off, and one idea was to have them in a charger in the parents bedroom. c. check your kids texts – most parents felt the kids should know that the parents have full access to what they are texting. d. pictures/video have become a problem with cell phones. Kids are often sending pictures or posting video on youtube. Often times these contain inappropriate items – around the country kids are being arrested for sending “pornography” and bullying has occurred when one kids picture gets spread around the school/internet. Recently, a girl in Cincinnati committed suicide after her naked picture was posted after it was intended for her boyfriend.

9. “Best version of themselves.” I recently read a book by Matthew Kelly called Building Better Families… This is a great book and I would recommend it highly. Much of his theme is encourage us to help our kids become the best version of themselves. With this, we need to strongly consider how and if technology is making our children “the best version of themselves.” This decision is an individual one, but one we all need to consider as younger and younger children are getting cell phones, getting on the internet, texting etc…

10. What can MASH do? As a community I think we need to work together to keep each other informed on what is going on, what we are seeing on the internet and keeping our kids safe. I would hope that you would let me know if you saw my children involved in something of concern and know that I would do the same. Let's keep talking about all these issues....

Links: http://www.wiredkids.org/wiredkids_org.html -- tons of internet safety info
http://www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguidee.htm -- parent info
http://www.fbi.gov/kids/k5th/safety2.htm -- k-5 info
http://www.fbi-sos.org/index.cfm?Page=Principal_Teacher -- 5-8 program
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090322/NEWS01/903220312/-1/TODAY -- this is the tragic story about “sexting”